Love at...50th sight?

Cinderella is the movie that almost every girl wishes her life could resemble. She wishes she could go from being a normal girl to one night meeting her “Prince Charming” and experiencing “love at first sight.” I am not knocking specifically on girls at all, because I’m sure there are guys that believe this too; but I do think the idea of love at first sight is complete crap. Granted, it is a nice thought, but is that really possible? Let’s be honest here; say I’m walking down the sidewalk on my way to English class, and my eyes catch the eyes of a girl and there is “love at first sight.” Can you really call that love? What do I know about that person? I know she is attractive, and….yeahhhh that’s about it. I mean, if I base love on how attractive a girl is, then I love a whole heck of a lot of women here at Tech! Seriously though, I know absolutely nothing about her. I don’t know her name, where she is from, what kind of personality she has, or if she is even single. In my opinion, the word “love” is abused, and “I love you” is said way too much. People say it without meaning it, because they want to think that they are in love, or they don’t know what true love really is. The last two weeks I have been trying to figure out what real, genuine love is, and how do I know if I am really in love with somebody? By taking what I have been taught by other people, by my past experiences, and by what I am taught through my faith, I think I have figured it out.

First of all, I believe that love is not the deep, passionate feeling that I get when I think of somebody. My old youth pastor once said, “Love is not an emotion, it’s a choice.” He went on to explain that some mornings he wakes up next to his wife and he doesn’t feel like he is married to her. He doesn’t have that warm, overwhelmingly happy feeling that he got, say, on their wedding day or on their honeymoon. Does that mean he doesn’t love her anymore because he doesn’t feel that way? No, of course not. He still loves her with everything he has; he still will always be there for her and want what is best for her and protect her at all costs. If we judged love by how we feel, then every couple would get a divorce at some point, because there are always going to be times when that passionate feeling is not there. From personal experience, there have been times when I have really wanted to say “I love you” to a girl because I was so emotionally attached to her, but I knew I shouldn’t say that because I did not truly love her. It would have given her false hope and happiness, and I believe that love is a word that should not be messed around with. So, for that reason, I have never said “I love you” to a girl I was dating, because I honestly haven’t loved any of them.

So, I know what love is not, but finding out what true love really is is a bit more difficult. This is where I turn to my faith for the answers. Having been raised a Southern Baptist Christian, I have been taught that The Bible is 100% true, and that I should live my life based on what it says. Therefore, I looked up some verses about love, not only to try to help me figure out this crazy, controversial issue, but because I want to find out if I really do love this certain person in my life; and, if I do, then, how should I act toward her so that I show that I really do love her? One night, I was in the hot tub talking to my friend, Jared, about it, and he said that he thinks that if you are willing to die for that person, then you love them. I was like, hmmm, that makes since, because I remembered a verse I had learned that said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13.” He asked me if I would die for her, and I said that I would. Then, I got to thinking; there are other people I would die for, so how do I know what real love is between a man and a woman? While I love my family and my closest friends and would die for them, it’s not quite the same thing. So, I believe being willing to die for that person is a major part of it, but it’s not the only thing. Last week, I was looking hard to find the answer; and, between talking to another one of my friends and reading a couple more verses, I got a better understanding of it. The verse that made everything click was this: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.” This is an example of what true love should be like. While I mess up in many of those areas, love is not perfect, and it does not mean that I don’t love her because I’m not very patient or because I might let my pride get in the way every now and then. However, these are the things that I should strive to improve on; I should want to be patient and kind to her; I should protect her and forgive her when she does wrong and place all of my trust in her and put her before myself. It’s not a checklist saying that if I do each of these things just right, then I have come to the point where I am in love with her. It’s saying that that is the guy I should be for her and what I should strive to be like.

The third thing I learned about love is that it is unconditional and should never end. When a man and a woman marry each other, it is a profession of their love for each other. They say, “’till death do us part,” not, “’till we have a problem, or I don’t feel like I love you anymore.” This is one thing I have never understood about marriages. Now, I’m not an expert on love; but I do know that when you marry somebody, you are saying that you love them, and that you want to be with them for the rest of your life. I know that when you love somebody, you should want to do whatever it takes to make the relationship as strong as possible which includes working out any problems that come up. I know that when you love somebody, you should want to put their needs before your own, because their happiness is important to you. I know that if you love that person then you should be patient, forgiving, kind, trusting, etc. with them, because that is what true love really is. So, why do so many marriages fail? What problem is so big that it can’t be worked out? What makes one spouse cheat or suddenly “stop loving” the other? If love is unconditional; if love is all those things in that last verse, then why do marriages end? It doesn’t seem right to me that such an incredible and rare bond can be broken like that. It’s sad that we (as people in general) give up so easily on such a great thing. So, having taken everything I have heard and read, I believe love is not just a feeling; it’s willing to give up one life for another; it’s patient; it’s kind; it’s trusting; its unconditional; and it never ends. That, my friends, is much more than just a Cinderella story.